Robert's Strange But True Fact #1

Women fart louder in their sleep.

Robert's Rules of Life #3

If you aren't driving noticebly faster than the car beside you, get out of the fast lane.

Robert's Rules of Life #2

For the men:

When you are using a trough urinal, the object of the game is to relieve your bladder, not to get so close to me that we rub elbows or I can feel your splashback; especially when there is no one else in the bathroom.

Robert's Rules of Life #1

#1
If you are passing someone and you make eye contact, and you don't acknowledge that person in some way (through a head nod, a smile, a wave, etc.) then you are a douche. Simple.

Reason: To do otherwise is to visually recognize that a person is there, and to determine (consciously or subconsciously) that they aren't worth your time or effort. Excuse me for not being up to your high standards of personhood.

Robert's Strange Top 3 #2

The top three exclamatory tools of The Melty Man (and some examples of their power):

3. "Ouch!"
     - "Ouch! You're on my hair!"
     - "Ouch! You're heavy!"
     - "Ouch! Wrong angle!"
2. "Ewww!"
     - "Ewww."
     - "Ewww?"
     - "Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"
1. "Oops!"
     - "Oops! I Did It Again" playing on the radio.
     - "Oops! It's ok, it happens to everyone."
     - "Oops! I forgot to take my birth control!"

Robert's Strange Top 3 #1:

Top 3 saddest songs sung by puppets:

3. I'm Going to Go Back There Someday - Gonzo the Great - Muppets from Space
2. One Little Star - Big Bird - Follow That Bird
1. There's a Fine Fine Line - Kate Monster - Avenue Q

Oh CollegeHumor.com...

Please keep skewering my teen years.